Sexual Anorexia: The Flip Side of Sex Addiction
In the sex addiction field, much of the spotlight is on the “acting out” behaviors of the addict such as prostitution, affairs, use of pornography, and other sexually compulsive behaviors. But there’s another aspect to sex addiction known as sexual anorexia that doesn’t get much attention but is just as necessary for those embroiled in either aspect of sex addiction.
Sexual anorexia is described as a loss of desire for romantic or sexual connection. This is not be confused with low arousal or a physiological issue like erectile dysfunction. Sexual anorexia is seen in two distinct ways. One is the classic case of a sexual anorexic who is repulsed with his/her sexual self and finds any way possible to avoid sexual contact of any kind (i.e. kissing, hand-holding, up to sex itself). Symptoms of a sexual anorexic include:
- Preoccupation, to the point of obsession, with sexual matters, including the sexuality, sexual intentions, and sexual behaviors of others, and their own sexual adequacy.
- Negative, rigid, or judgmental attitudes about sex, body appearance, and sexual activity.
- Shame and self-loathing over sexual experiences.
- Self-destructive behavior in order to avoid, limit or stop sex.
In sexual addiction treatment, it’s not uncommon for the second time of sexual anorexic to flare up. This is the addict who after years of “acting out” begins to “act in” and limits his/her sexual desire so that they can no longer connect sexually with their spouse or partner. An example is a man who has affairs and after stopping his sexual liaisons has swung so far the other direction in controlling his behaviors that he not only has no interest in other women but also can not find attraction anymore to his wife.
In either case, whether it’s one who has always had an aversion to sexual contact or someone who was an addict and is now on the anorexic end, the issue is one of anxiety or a fear of intimacy. This fear is that of emotional intimacy (i.e. “to know and be known”) but manifests itself as a fear of sexual intimacy. Addicts and anorexics thrive in their addictions because in both cases they are able to remain unknown to their core. The fear is one of truly being known to the depths of their being. I’ve found the driving force is one of abandonment. An addict is terrified of being vulnerable where his/her thoughts, feelings, and behaviors can be shared for fear of being left. In treatment, the remedy is one of building trust to the point where the addict/anorexic confronts this deep fear and hopefully comes to a place where they “feel” or experience acceptance, validation, and affirmation (not for their behaviors) but for their personhood.
Like your insight, knew of a few …this is more common in woman??? Hahahah!
Like your insight, knew of a few …this is more common in woman??? !