Immigrant Asian Parents: Spoken Word Poem
It’s frustrating,
immigrant parents,
come to America,
to give you a “better opportunity”,
yet become obsessed,
with anything less,
than perfection or success.
Continue Reading
A Case for Trader Joe’s: Gentrification over Ghettoization
Listen to my SoundCloud audio blog on Gentrification vs. Ghettoization
I can’t quite remember the first time I walked into a Trader Joe’s store but I do remember the experience. Staff wearing t-shirts emblazoned with Hawaiian prints, bells ringing, spirited employees, healthy and specialty foods.
Trader Joe’s succeeds because it’s found a niche that welcomes it’s unique approach to the entire grocery store shopping experience. Shopping at traditional grocery stores is just that-a chore, an errand, another thing to check off my to-do list. With Trader Joe’s, my pulse quickens thinking about the hummus, the salads, and the atmosphere of levity which encapsulates it’s anti-establishment ethos. Continue Reading
How to find a Therapist: Personality Styles, Values, & other Characteristics to Consider
Click link below to listen to my audio on SoundCloud:
How to find a Therapist: Personality Styles, Values, & other issues to Consider
If you’re looking for a therapist there are so many factors to consider that what one aspect is often forgotten: the therapist’s style, personality, and his/her fit with your own personality.
Part of gaining “trust” in with a therapist is feeling comfortable in his/her presence. If you don’t feel comfortable, you have to ask why. Continue Reading
“You’re Selfish!”: The Building Block of Shame
In my therapy practice, I’ve noticed that the word “selfish” is routinely used by parents (Asian or otherwise) as a way of manipulating or guilt-tripping their children to act or behave in certain way.
In my therapy practice, I’ve noticed that the word “selfish” is routinely used by parents (Asian or otherwise) as a way of manipulating or guilt-tripping their children to act or behave in a certain way. This is the essence of shame.
So let’s break it down. When a parent says, “You’re selfish” the parent is communicating something to this effect: “You (the child) want something I don’t want, and you don’t seem to care that I don’t want it. You care more about what you want than you do about what I want, and that means you’re bad. The word for this particular kind of badness is ‘selfish.'”
But unfortunately, this type of labeling leads to what I believe is a core negative self image or feeling of “I’m bad person” or “There’s something wrong with me for having these thoughts or desires”. The shaming done over a childhood leads adults with a very distorted sense of who they are as individuals.
