Pastors & Porn: The Unspeakable Truth
Pornography is an endemic problem in the general population so it should be no surprise of its impact in church communities. Yet how many pastors are willing to come forward with their struggles?
In a Barna research study, it found most pastors (57%) and youth pastors (64%) admit they have struggled with porn, either currently or in the past but less than 1% recommend telling their congregation.
This makes sense as it’s hard enough for the general population struggling in porn/sex addiction to break denial let alone a pastor who’s job is to expound on spiritual truths and be a living example of morality above reproach.
The Barna researchers asked 3000 Christians what should happen if a pastor is caught using porn. 41% of adult Christians believe the pastor should be fired or asked to resign. However, only 8% of the pastors agreed with termination or resignation as the appropriate protocol. It’s no wonder with such a wide discrepancy why so few pastors are willing to admit their struggles with pornography or other problematic sexual behaviors.
As a therapist specializing in porn/sex addiction within faith communities, I can attest to the challenges of acknowledging the problems of pornography. First off, it’s only human to believe we can stop any negative behaviors on our own. There’s an utter contempt within true addicts to admit being controlled by substances or behaviors (e.g. alcohol, pornography, gambling/spending, eating disorders, etc.). It usually takes years (if done at all) before a person who has negative compulsive behaviors to recognize the behaviors are not only maladaptive but have reached a point of habituation that they are beyond the person’s individual “willpower” to stop. In essence, the true addict desiring freedom finally reaches a mental/spiritual threshold of humility. They have died to the notion of rising above their drug of choice on their own and acknowledge the only way out is to share their struggle with others. This is both a humbling and courageous step in faith. Humbling in coming to the brutal reality of their own addiction and breaking of denial. Courageous in knowing honesty and transparency, while putting the person on the path of recovery, also put their jobs and relationships at risk.
Now if it’s hard enough for the everyday person to break denial, you can get a sense of how a pastor or someone in an elevated church leadership position could safely come forward. For pastors and churches, how can you diagnose if there’s a problem? Well, you can ask yourself these following questions.
DIAGNOSING THE PROBLEM WITH PORN?
- Have you intentionally accessed sexually explicit material in the past year? Yes, there’s porn, but there’s much more out there that can sexually arouse a person without reaching the definition of pornography (i.e. sexually charged movie scenes, Harlequin Romance novels, comic books, magazines of any sort that can contain arouse you).
- What is the frequency of accessing these materials?
- What is the frequency of masturbation (both with or without the use of pornography)? This is important because of the fact some people believe they can masturbate without the use of porn and it isn’t harming them. But this is where sexual fantasy and imagery come into play to perpetuate their cycle of addiction which also needs to be addressed.
- How have you lied or been deceitful about this to anyone?
- What specifically are you looking at (i.e. child pornography would be therapeutically treated differently from adult pornography)
- Trajectory. Is the pattern of sexually acting out improving or getting worse?
I can not tell churches what to do with their pastors but what I do believe needs to happen is churches need to create an environment and reestablish itself as “the safest place on Earth”. Churches are meant to be places of spiritual refuge and safety where one can share their deepest wounds and break the shackles of addiction and shame. Is your church that channel towards redemption and freedom or is it one that perpetuates fear, hiding, and enslavement?
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