Make History by Landing a Triple Axel: Asian Parents finally Express Pride in Daughter
ESPN
When you grow up in a traditional Asian-American household, praise and affirmation can be hard to come by. This was made more evident when Mirai Nagasu, became the first female American figure skater to land a triple-axle in the Olympics. She was born in the Los Angeles area while her parents are Japanese immigrants who moved to Southern California nearly 30 years ago.
“Coming from an Asian background, my parents don’t say things like ‘I’m proud of you,” Nagasu told KNBC before the competition.
Consider that for a moment. You’re an Olympian. You’ve competed and won countless local, national, and international competitions from a tike to your teens. And in the Olympics, you represent your country as one of the best in what you do, yet back home your parents barely blink an eye.
For those whose parents are Asian immigrants, this can be attributed to Confucian and/or cultural views that subscribe to humility, stoicism, and collectivism above all else. Individualism or pride in oneself is not considered a virtue to be affirmed. There’s a Japanese proverb, “The nail that sticks up, gets hammered down!”.
When it comes to parenting, Asian immigrants have learned from previous generations that the best way to raise children is NOT to praise them. In addition to honoring humility, there’s also a misguided fear that praise and affirmation can lead to children being coddled. There’s a naïve sentiment where old-school Asians view love, kisses, and praise will be detrimental to a child’s growth. They believe withholding physical touch and words of affirmation is the route to self-discipline, maturity, and “success”.
Still, when Nagasu nailed her triple-double, her immigrant Japanese parents decided to break their emotional wall of silence. “I received a text message from my papa daddy and it said ‘I’m proud of you.’ And I was like, screen shot, that has never happened before.”
So in a way, Nagasu’s Olympic achievement made history in more ways than one. Yes, it was historic for American figure skating, but it was also personally memorable since until now Nagasu had never heard explicit emotional validation from her parents. Still, I find this tragic that it took an Olympic performance of this magnitude for her to receive a drip of praise.
Related Stories:
http://blog.angryasianman.com/2018/02/her-name-is-mirai-nagasu-and-this-is.html
