Sexual Confession from Hollywood: What this means for You and Me
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With more and more women coming forward to share their stories of sexual harassment, abuse, and rape against Hollywood mogul Harvey Weinstein, men are also feeling emboldened to share their own experiences.
The latest include actors Terry Cruz and James Van Der Beek who shared similar stories of harassment with the L.A. Times. Van Der Beek, the former Dawson’s Creek star described being cornered by “older, powerful men” who fondled him and initiated “in inappropriate sexual conversations” earlier in his career and wanted to acknowledge the difficulties of coming forward. “I understand the unwarranted shame, powerlessness & inability to blow the whistle. There’s a power dynamic that feels impossible to overcome.”
Cruz shared his story in an effort to help others realize they aren’t the only victims. “I understand and empathize with those who have remained silent. But Harvey Weinstein is not the only perpetrator,” he tweeted. “Hollywood is not the only business [where] this happens, and to the casualties of this behavior— you are not alone.”
While the rampant abuse is disturbing, it also validates my own experiences of being sexually harassed and fondled by a former boss while I worked in television news (my story detailed in this Psychology Today blog). If the Weinstein story was just about Weinstein, it would eventually fizzle out of the news cycle and our collective consciousness. But this is more than that. It is about a long-standing culture of abuse through power that permeates all sectors of society.
As a journalist-turned-psychotherapist/speaker who treats clients dealing with a range of issues including sexual abuse, I can tell you that there is a large swath of adult victims of harassment and abuse who stay silent. Part of the challenge for adult victims is due to them being adults. Society can empathize and understand children who are abused as they are both physically and emotionally vulnerable but it’s hard for many to view adults in the same manner.
This is part of the reason why it took me 15 years to come forward with my own story. Sure, family members knew what happened but even some of them questioned, “Why didn’t you just say ‘no’!” After undergoing extensive therapy, I realized “no” was never in my vocabulary. In fact, it wasn’t even in my culture as I was raised in a traditional Asian family with a strong patriarchal and hierarchical system in place where children were not allowed to express their feelings.
So even in adulthood, the desire to please, acquiesce, and not complain became norms for relating. In short, I had no understanding of boundaries. Combine this with being young, naive, and ambitious to work in a big city like Los Angeles, I was already vulnerable to people in positions of power looking to prey on me.
What we need to realize is the abuse of power from the Weinstein case is in all professions and industries. While it may not be as public or celebrity-driven, it should nevertheless be a wake-up call for us to be mindful of the challenges facing victims (both child and adult), and the need for perpetrators to face criminal charges for their actions.
Related Stories:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/minority-report/201706/my-boss-fondled-me
