Born to Lose: Asian Gambling Addiction
I recently finished reading Born to Lose: Memoirs of a Compulsive Gambler by Bill Lee. In his memoir he traces his gambling addiction back three generations to his paternal grandfather who was so addicted to gambling that he wagered his son (Lee’s father) on a bet.
In the book, Lee focuses on his gambling addiction, relapses, and other hardships in life. What’s helpful as a therapist specializing in addictions, is how the intensity and the urges for Lee’s gambling could easily be viewed from the perspective of other addicts. Whether it’s alcoholism, drug addiction, or sex addiction, Lee’s thought processes and the need to escape are similar to those caught in the addictive cycle. “By the time I became an adult I was obsessed with money. I defined and validated myself based on how much money I earned and by my material possessions. This allowed me to feel superior to others when, in fact, I never felt like I was good enough”.
When addicts are able to tap into their feelings, they often describe lacking in self-esteem and unconditional love. Hence the euphoric high of escaping to an addictive or compulsive behavior. Some addictions like sex, gambling, or food can give addicts a false sense of internal security when they’re engaging in them. Just as Lee describes this feeling of being affirmed by the money and/or possessions, sex addicts crave a similar feeling of affirmation yet garner it through sexual acting out. Those suffering from anorexia or bulimia may feel a sense of self-love when their physical image is controlled by their lack of eating or bingeing/purging.
What makes addiction recovery challenging is many addicts may have other addictions or learn to switch addictive or compulsive behaviors. Lee identifies with this, “For all intents and purposes, I had merely switched addictions and become a workaholic. My job served as another sanctuary for me: it provided excitement, the work consumed all my energy, and I felt important there. But it wasn’t enough. The job simply masked my insecurities.”
In addition to sharing about the behavioral traits of gambling addicts, Lee also gives us insight into the psychological character traits endemic to many addicts stuck in their search for a fix. “The truth is that many of us compulsive gamblers start arguments with spouses and storm out of the house just so we can go and feed our addiction.”
This truth is readily seen with my work in sex addiction where clients not only blame their partners and get easily irritated but take it out on everyone and everything around them (pets included). “My moods primarily consisted of being impulsive, impatient, easily agitated, and hostile.” Even if their behaviors have stopped, this doesn’t mean real change has occurred.
There’s a big difference between an addict working his/her recovery and one just abstaining from certain behaviors. One can “white-knuckle” through sobriety for a certain period of time but that is usually short-lived as their temperament gives evidence to the deeper work that needs to be done.
In Lee’s case, after suffering from bouts of depression, divorce, and suicidal thoughts, he eventually found serenity and solace from attending Gamblers Anonymous. It was not a linear path to sobriety but as addicts in recovery will attest, it never is.
