Sexual Sobriety or Sanctification?
In most sex addiction therapy treatment the goal is to get the addict to reach sobriety (i.e. stopped “acting out”), so much so that I believe sobriety ends up being the final goal where the addict’s main measure of transformation is whether he has or hasn’t acted out.
Men can claim they have “success” because they have been sober for a length of time. Part of the reason is because many of these therapies are based on traditional 12-Step models that reinforce this goal of sobriety. But is there more to sex addiction therapy than sobriety? I believe sobriety is a good goal but can not be the final goal. Instead, I have to help men reach a point of sanctification where they can be conformed to the image of God.
This is where addicts learn to leave not only their old lifestyle and patterns of behaviors but to adopt a new way of thinking where God and God’s purposes can be part of his inner being. God can give addicts a new direction in life, a purpose in their families and communities, and plant new dreams to cultivate their thirsting souls that long for meaning, significance, and validation.
God wants men to be leaders in their homes, work worlds, and pillars in their communities but men shrouded in sex addiction can not do so with much integrity. Many shrink, hide, and stay consumed in their addictions all the while watching their influence shrink around them.
We need men more than ever before to take a stand for community, mentorship, and family leadership. Divorce is fracturing bonds with children, leaving a lost generation groping for relational security. Sex addiction not only eats away at the individual but the collective. Family relationships are disrupted and distorted as men drown in their addictions. While they may provide financially for their children, kids lose a vital connection to their dads when fathers are pre-occupied with sexual behaviors aimed at getting their fix or high.
My treatment focus obviously has to address attaining sobriety but I know it can not stop there. Men need a vision for life that moves them beyond ending a behavior. In its place, the addict must find a passion that sustains him. To that end, I believe that passion is a spiritual one where he finds God and others walking the journey of faith so that he can discern God’s true calling for his spirit. It’s a calling that will consume his talents, gifts, and experiences so that even his current story of addiction, abuse, or hardships can be redeemed for God’s greater glory. This is the premise of sanctification undergirding my work in sex addiction, which I consider the process of change that leads to true and lasting sobriety.
